Hello, children, and welcome to another week here at CU! Morpheus genuinely hopes you all enjoyed your snow days, and had your fair share boozin’ it up while avoiding all adult responsibilities and homework.
Uncle Morph heard a rumor regarding one of the lacrosse houses during the storm. Apparently the girls recieved a rather nasty note from a rather nasty neighbor on their manners regarding snow shoveling. In D.C., it is one’s duty to shovel the sidewalk in front of their houses. Well, the lacrosse ladies failed to do so and really pissed off a neighbor or two. Better yet, the coaches of the Women’s Lacrosse team were upset that The Tower was investigating the snow shoveling saga and demanded the story be stopped. Well, the story turned out to be a snooze fest anyway, but, for future reference, Ms. McDonogh, you should teach your ladies a thing or two about snow day etiquette.
What else is new in the wide world of CU? Well, that safety panel was quite an interesting spectacle. Morpheus’s favorite moment was when Mr. Morris (can you guess which one?) pulled up a large chart of times and basically begged innocence on the notification protocol in regards to last semesters
active shooter situation. Morpheus understands, but still must side with most of the student body and CU community. The notifictaion system that evening was a joke. Students should have been notified a bit sooner, no? It really took a few hours to find someone in Brookland who spoke Spanish to transalate what the custodian said? Kudos, again, to the custodian, who directed the suspect to Leahy Hall. C’mon administration, lets work a bit harder, eh? Nice poster, though, Mr. Morris.
Please, email all of your juicy gossip to your old Uncle Morph! You can contact Morpheus as firstname.lastname@example.org.
Signed, Morpheus Q. XVI