Morpheus Q. XVI – February 12th 2016


Hello, lovers. Welcome to another week here at CU. This week is another one of Uncle Morph’s favorite weeks during the semester, mainly because he loves his share of kisses and cuddles. That’s right! Prepare yourself for drunk guys and dolls making out around the dark corners of your buildings late at night, and that creepy ex you dodged like a bullet who’s looking for a lost love. Valentine’s Day is upon the CU community, and unless you went to that Build-a-Bae event (seriously?), Morpheus is expecting to catch you and your late night lover busy in the bushes by St. Vinny’s. How scandelous… It’s interesting how excitingly we celebrate Valentine’s Day, considering the fact that our poor chap Valentine was beheaded, or something equally as gruesome. But hey, who doesn’t get a little turned on by carnage, blood, and massacre?

Let us talk a moment about that Town Hall with President Garvey this week. Like always, President Garvey dodges questions like a champ, leaving no room for rebuttle. Too scared to be burned like an Arkansas griddlecake, aren’t we, President Garvey? But, it’s not only President Garvey who is absurd. Morpheus lost count! Oh, dear, how many questions could we have asked about CUAllies? In the end, dear classmates, the administration will decide the fate of the club. In fact, they probably have already. Oh! Morpheus almost forgot! Ms. St. Amant, it was quite lovely seeing you on stage representing Morph’s beloved SGA.

Speaking of SGA, with the SGA elections coming up Morpheus wishes to leave a word of advice: IT DOESN’T MATTER. Now, your Uncle Morph has been around the block quite a few times and asks a favor of his dear readers. Imagine your life in ten years, or twenty, or one hundred… In the grand scheme of things, does SGA matter? Maybe Morpheus has too harsh a judgement, but he implores everyone to have a good and clean campaign. That means no blackmailing, name calling, hair pulling, etc. Personally, Morph believes it’s all nonsense anyway, but whatever. Have fun, kids.

Signed, Morpheus Q. XVI

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