Morpheus Q XVI – December 11, 2015


Oh, Merry Christmas to all! A new football for little Johnny, and a new dolly for Mary Sue! A bike for Mikey Jr., and a kiss from me to you! Oh, how Jolly ‘Ole St. Morph loves the Christmas season! Morpheus is pleased to report that his Christmas wish has come true. Yes, children, Morph has had his tuition paid. And guess what? By Garvey, himself! ‘Tis tuly the season to be jolly.

Morpheus is sad, however, because these are his last notes of the semester, and boy oh boy, what a semester it has been. His good friend Frankie visited, that band who he can’t remember came to campus, and SGA rigged their voting! This semester will well be missed. So, without further adieu, here are Morph’s notes and, as promised, the Twelve Days of Morpheus’ Christmas!

To begin, Jolly ‘Ole Morph is a devout Christmas lover, and has a bone to pick with everyone obsessed with the seasonal political correctness. Let him let you in on a secret: being against saying “Merry Christmas” to look cool in front of your coffee-press drinking, hipster friends who only listen to Animal Collective on vinyl is NOT cool. In fact, it’s rude and you look like a knuckle-head. Morpheus was in a local Toys R Us and said, “Merry Christmas” to the cashier and was rudely interrupted by the cashier with a snotty, “Excuse me, I celebrate winter solstice.” Well! Huff and puff! Morpheus was one upset ghoul. Can he not purchase the seasons latest Dora the Explorer toy with every Christmas-celebrating bone in his skeleton?! Guess not, but he will continue saying “Merry Christmas” proudly!

In light of recent events this week on campus, which Morpheus dare not joke about, he must applaud some fellow CU community members. A big round of applause to the custodian who wisely directed the suspect to Leahy Hall, aka, DPS head quarters. That was a wise move on the part of the brave custodian. Further, for all the laughs poked at DPS, they were very brave these past few nights. Like any student here at CU, they were unarmed and in danger. Leaving their head quarters, unarmed, to protect everyone here at CU is definitely worth a round of applause, and a warm “thank you.”

Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for… *drum roll*

The 12 Days of Morpheus’ Christmas!


On the 12th day of Christmas Morpheus gave to me, 12 Garvey sightings, 11 shots of whiskey, 10 Francis selfies, 9(0) MT’s dancing, 8 high school bandits, 7 cups of coffee, 6 papers due, 5 HOURS OF SLEEP!, 4 Rave alerts, a 3 hour delay, 2 Shelter in Places, and an SGA Bill finally!

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