Seemingly Ranch: The Chokehold Taylor Swift Has on Society

Image Courtesy of MSN & Today

By Noah Slayter

This is an independently submitted op-ed for our Quill section. Views and statements made in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of  The Tower.

As a normal human who does not know every lyric to “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) [From the Vault]”, I feel it my duty to take an unbiased deep dive into the societal chokehold that T. Swift has on society today. No one in recent memory has as much cultural influence as Ms. Taylor Swift. 

Fans are calling rumors of the Swift-Kelce relationship, Taylor’s “American Revolution” since Swift’s previous relationship was with the British musician, Matty Healy. Should the Kelce rumors be true, Swift would be returning to an “American Boy”. 

The Taylor Swift fandom has gone bonkers with this news. Travis Kelce merchandise has leaped in sales by over 400%. Every picture of Taylor at the NFL game has been analyzed to the umpteenth degree. In particular, an image of Swift posing near a plate of food has gone viral. In a tweet by @theerastour on the social media app formerly known as Twitter (X), they captioned a picture of Swift sitting next to her food as “Taylor Swift was eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch!” 

The oddly captioned tweet has taken the internet by storm with major companies like Arby’s posting “When the function has Arby’s boneless wings with ketchup and seemingly ranch”

Numerous other companies joined in on the ranch run, the cracker company Ritz tweeted “need to be dipped in ketchup and seemingly ranch”. Papa Johns posted “Craving boneless chicken with seemingly ranch. IYKYK.” Even the company Hidden Valley Ranch has changed its Twitter handle to “Seemingly Ranch”.

The NFL Twitter page has banked on the Swiftie football obsession by changing their bio to “NFL (Taylor’s Version)” and their profile background photo is currently an image of Taylor cheering on the Chiefs. The NFL TikTok page has also posted a viral video of Taylor and Travis walking away after the Chiefs win and an impressive touchdown from Kelce as well. The football league’s page has subsequently posted various TikTok videos about Taylor and Travis, including a “Football 101 for Swifties” for those who want to learn more about Taylor’s new favorite sport.

Currently, the Swiftie world is debating how far they must go to follow Taylor in her football era. Are they required to learn the rules and follow football now? Must they now leave behind their familial loyalty to local teams and root for Kansas City? What exactly is a tight end? 

It should be noted that the dating rumors have not been confirmed as of yet, but while on The Pat McAfee Show Kelce said he “threw the ball in her court.” So, only time will tell whether the rumors prove to be true.