Shit for Shat: You Poop in My Shower, I Draw Back the Curtain

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By Emily Muir

This is an independently submitted op-ed and does not necessarily reflect the views of The Tower.

On the third floor of Flather Hall at around 10 p.m., an unfortunate, disturbing event occurred: Flather resident Emily Muir walked toward the first shower on the left and discovered poop lying on the drain.

When events like this occur, millions of questions arise. Who was responsible? How long had it been there? Was it an accident, or was the poop placed with purpose? If it was deliberate, why would someone do this? Did someone just want the dorm to live up to its name: Filthy Flather? What has the world come to? 

I am Emily Muir, and I conducted several interviews with real-life survivors of the infamous incident. I needed to know how it affected the people and how it changed the Flather community. This incident had serious effects on the building, especially on those who dwell on the third floor. 

Several Flather residents have expressed that they are now afraid every time they take a shower. Some, like Teagan Semisch originally, “thought it was a joke.” After all, how could this happen in a girls’ dorm?

An event like this can shake a community to its core. In most situations, this would turn neighbor against neighbor. However, I believe it brought us closer together. One resident put a prompt on their door, asking which showers girls liked to use the most. The poll included a map of the showers and a symbol to indicate the stall where the event occurred. Participation was widespread, and it helped the floor laugh about the event.

Despite the girls’ ability to put a positive spin on the misfortune, I could tell there was a lot of built-up frustration. I thought we should take a page out of the culprit’s book and just let it all out. I asked Flather girls to give a message to the “poopetrator”. Some were so shocked and disgusted they couldn’t form words; however, the following messages are meant for the eyes and ears of the criminal. 

“Get your filthy turd out of Flather,” Anna Tormey stated.

“Count your days,” Samara Viola said.

There are three circulating theories: an intoxicated person, a man, or a dog is responsible for the poop. 

The first is the only explanation in which a girl could be responsible. No sober woman could even dream up such a horrifying prank, and it is highly unlikely that it was not a prank. If someone had “accidentally” pooped in the shower, there would have been some attempt to clean it up unless they were incapacitated. On top of that, the first stall is the closest to the toilets, and even in an emergency, the trip from shower to stall could have been made. 

If you heard this story out of context, you might assume it happened in a boys’ dorm. The second theory is the most plausible if you believe the poop was a prank. Only a boy would commit to that bit. 

Finally, some believe that a resident had a visit from their pet and lost track of them for a little too long. This theory is the most popular, as the poop was quite small and might call for concern if it had come from a human.

I have one last theory to add… a ghost. Now, this may seem far-fetched, but to be fair, any theory concerning this sounds insane. About 4 years ago, Flather was not a girls’ dorm but rather four floors of freshman boys. For 60 years, men roamed the halls of Flather (sometimes they still do). What if the ghost of one of the past residents came back to roam the halls and bathrooms to leave a final message for “Filthy Flather”?

There are still men’s signs on all the bathrooms. Could this be the reason Flather was targeted by such a heinous attack? Flather floor two decorated their sign with a skirt made of paper. Did that simple act save them? Is this a sign for the university to change the signs on our bathrooms? Or should Flather go back to its roots and house boys again?

We may never know who did their business behind the curtain, or why. So, in this inconclusive situation, I’d like to conclude with a sentiment that wraps it all up. In the words of Catholic University alumnus Timmy Hathway ‘25, “Flather is a dump, and it got dumped on.”