An Exclusive Interview with Garvey Hall Mouse on His Rise to Notoriety
By Lillian Murphy
Last week, a photo was posted on Fizz, the CUA student community forum, depicting a mouse in the Garvey Dining Hall. This photo sent major waves across campus, as students reacted with disgust, horror, and intrigue. But one voice was notably absent from the conversations surrounding the scandal. In order to rectify this, I sat down with the mouse in question in order to get some perspective. So, here with his side of the story is Everett Whiskerton III.
The following is a transcript of this interview. Mr. Whiskerton spoke exclusively in Mouse; the following has been translated into English and has been edited for clarity.
The Tower: Hello, Mr. Whiskerton, thank you so much for meeting with me today. How are you doing?
Whiskerton: Hello, thank you for having me. I’ve been doing as well as I can given the current situation.
The Tower: I’m sure. Do you think you could give us your personal insight into the current situation?
Whiskerton: Gladly. First off, I’d like to say that the current media storm and slander that I have found myself at the center of has been wildly upsetting, and everyone who has participated in smearing my name should be ashamed of themselves. I have been subject to derogatory comments, malicious social media posts, and defamatory language, all because I wanted a snack.
The Tower: Would you be able to share more about the day in question?
Whiskerton: Yeah, so I wake up, go to pilates, have my daily scurry through the Pryz, you know, normal happenings. Afterwards, I make my way back to my little hidey hole in Flather Hall, or as we call it, Squeaky Flather. Now imagine my surprise when I see that my roommates have totally raided my cheese supply! Absolutely no class. So here I am, hungry and cheeseless. What else am I supposed to do? So, I made my way to Garvey Hall.
The Tower: And have you been in Garvey before?
Whiskerton: Oh, of course, loads of time. I personally prefer the Pryz food court, but I was in a bit of a pinch last week, so I figured I’d settle for some pizza.
The Tower: And what was it like? When you were there?
Whiskerton: You know, one time I watched a History Channel documentary on what it was like in the trenches during WWI, and I don’t mean to be insensitive, but this was far, far worse. I mean, everywhere I turned, there were cameras pointed at me and people screaming. I really thought I was going to meet my end that day.
The Tower: I’m so sorry, that must have been horrible.
Whiskerton: It was. And I’m sorry, can I just say that I am appalled by the way people have been treating me? I mean, I’d expect this from a place like GW, maybe, but The Catholic University of America? Am I not deserving of the same respect afforded to all of God’s creation? WWSFD: What Would St. Francis Do? Not treat me like trash, I’ll tell you that much! And you know what? Just so you know, I’m not the worst thing that’s ever graced Garvey Hall, by the way. I’ve seen Steve Kreider there multiple times, and no one is ever screaming in disgust at him, and he’s more of a rat than I am!
The Tower: Wow… so, I think we’re about wrapped up with this interview. Any final remarks?
Whiskerton: Just that I think it’s about time the rodents of CUA demand the respect they deserve. From the Kane rats to the St. Vinny church mice, we are as deserving of a place at the Catholic University as anyone else, and try as they might, I will not let the current situation deter me from thriving. And to my haters, I just want to say this – I’ll see you in Garv next Taco Tuesday.
