Morpheus Q XVI – January 22, 2016

Welcome to another Friday, fellow Cardinals! Morpheus is overjoyed at the news of a snow day this Friday! Well, a snow day begining at noon. Morph believes that a snow day is good for everyone. Professors have a day off, students can get plastered earlier than usual, and President and Mrs. Garvey can spend the day lounging in their pj’s, drinking hot cocoa. Everyone wins when there is a snow day. Old Uncle Morph does not recall Mr. Evan Wescott, a.k.a. Snow Miser, predicting this snow day on Facebook yet, however. Better tune up, Mr. Wescott; CU relies on your predictions. Morpheus does find it hilarious and belly-laughed when Ms. Catherine Lee emailed the CU community confirming that classes would, in fact, be in session this past Thursday. It’s not that shocking, though. Anyone who is even remotely friendly with a Residence Assistant knows that students go berserk the night before a snow day: the halls reek of Fireball and vomit, students destory the bathrooms, and sometimes one will even find a student asleep in the snow outside. Yes, it is truly a wonder. Morpheus feels very sorry for the Flather Hall Resident Assistants. God speed, children.

In other news, Morpheus heard from the bird that the CU administrarion is in cahoots with the apartment building owners of Monroe Street. The building owners can now discipline students who misbehave while living in the apartment buildings within the limits of CU’s codes of conduct. That’s real swell. The Monroe apartments have turned into glorified, expensive dorm rooms that the University has tricked kids into moving in to. Well done. Now, the only difference between Monroe Steet and Opus Hall is that the washer and dryers are in your rooms. Morpheus has a prediction: in two years, the apartments on Monroe Street will be single-sexed. Mark Morph’s words…

For Morph’s last note, he’d like to address particular anonymous members of SGA who feel the need to email Morpheus complaining about their Executive Board. If members are feeling betrayed and upset by their Executive Board, instead of being too afraid, they should really express their views. Each and every member, according to Ms. St. Amant and Mr. Benedek, were elected fairly. Now, the truth to that is still unknown, but assuming they’re not just another couple of slimy politicians and are actually telling the truth, it is the responsibilty of all SGA members to openly speak their minds. Do not be a disapointment to your student body.

Signed, Morpheus Q. XVI