Can I Kiss You?
By Noelia Veras and Theresa Whitfield
At the event “Can I Kiss You” hosted by PEERS Mike Domitrz, accredited author and speaker, presented. PEERS is an organization on campus whose goal is to empower students. The presentation was centered around healthy and safe relationships in college addressing the concept of physical consent. The event occurred on Monday, February 11, at 7 p.m. in the Pryzbyla Great Room A.
Domitrz’s animated personality and interactions with the small audience kept every person engaged for the entirety of the presentation. He called up students from the audience multiple times to participate in scenarios or get the chance to win prizes.
The discussion began with the argument of whether one needs consent to kiss, and if consent is either implicit or explicit. Meaning, does one have to ask before they kiss their partner, or is consent simply implied by body language and actions? The answer to this question, according to Domitrz, is that one should always ask for consent.
“Body language is the most unreliable form of communication in intimacy,” said Domitrz.
One of the main ways Domitrz kept the audience engaged was by challenging them to reflect on their own beliefs and values on dating and intimacy by discussing the unfair gender stereotypes. He emphasized the double standard of women being treated as subhuman for dressing in a particular way, and men being glorified for hooking up with women. According to
“It is easier to label than care,” said Domitrz when discussing the detriments of double standards.
Domitrz continued asking the audience how they would respond in a certain situation, or questioning the views of society that are never usually questioned.
The talk eventually lead to the inevitable conversation of rape and sexual assault. Domitrz discussed how both women and men can be taken advantage of. The scenario he addressed involved a man aiming to get a girl to the point of incapacitation just to be able to take advantage of her sexually. He mentioned that, at a party, the majority of people would not stop this, because frankly, it is all too common.
In the moment, most people claim that it is none of their business to intervene, allowing people to constantly take advantage of other individuals that they couldn’t otherwise take advantage of without the influence alcohol. Domitrz explained that bystanders are more likely to intervene when people begin to refer to a “drunk hookup” as what it really is, an incapacitated individual being taken advantage of by another person.
“If you call it what it is no one can deny the responsibility to do something,” said Domitrz.
At the end of the presentation, Domitrz implored everyone to help create a culture of asking for consent first, instead of just assuming that the answer will be yes. Domitrz addressed in two hours what most students grapple with for years. The point was simple: respect people.
