Oh, happy day! Not only is it a new semester here at CU, but The Tower has allotted column inches to their good Uncle Morph! Bless them, Father Jude! Welcome back, Cardinals, to another semester here at CU. Ahh, yes, another semester filled with Thirsty Thursdays, SGA Scandal, pseudo frat-boy nonsense and a lack of transparency on campus! It is certainly good to be back. Morpheus hopes all had a safe and sound winter break, and a joyous Christmas holiday filled with horrible fruit cake, and sour apple pie.
Morpheus was contacted recently by an anonymous voice on campus who calls themselves, “CUA Anonymous.” Yes, they do don Guy Fawkes masks, if you were wondering. As cheesy at is it, Morph is pleased. Apparently there is a weasel in the student government spilling all of the juicy secrets that the coven concocts. Oh, the things Morpheus was told would shake some to their core. He warns now: beware Ms. St. Amant, Mr. Benedek, Mr. Mulcahey. They happily spread news about you, but out of the kindness of Morph’s old heart, he wont say anything… Without evidence.
Speaking of SGA, Morpheus heard from the bird that a certain Mr. Stephen Morris is feeling unloved by the campus ghost. Is CUAllies not gaining enough publicity lately?
Probably the best rumor Morph has heard over the winter break was of the CU student who decided it wise to hop the White House fence. Now, nothing has been proven, but it is certainly something to talk about. Apparently he got closer to the White House than anyone has to Nugent Hall, so, kudos.
Please, show Uncle Morpheus some love and contact him at email@example.com.