Morpheus Q XVI – November 6, 2015

Although Morpheus’ favorite holiday has passed, another favorite holiday season of his is under way. Morpheus loves the Christmas season and with only six Fridays till the celebration, he has already begun his wish list!

With that said, Morpheus wishes to be referred to as “Jolly Ole’ St. Morph.” He will now share with you some lucky ducks who will be on his naughty and nice list this holiday season. Morpheus is everyone’s
Secret Santa! Remember, just like St. Nick, he sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when President Garvey is raising the tuition…

-Donald Trump for President for the College Republicans. After all, do they really want anoher • Bush in office? Oh! And a little money would be nice…
-Approved speakers for the College Democrats. You know, Morpheus loves College Dems. • After all, they never forget the Milk and Cookies out for Santa, or ‘Ole St. Morph.
-Coal for Mr. James Benedek, and Chair of College Republicans for Mr. Mulcahey.•
-Togas for ADG. While we’re at it, more Papal Mass Tickets, too. •
-Legitimacy for CUAllies. (Wait, maybe Dean Jennings could play Santa on this one.)•
-A new bike for the tandem bike duo on campus.•
-Reindeer costume for Gus, President Garvey’s pup.•
-A new “Make America Great Again” hat for Mr. Michael Cozzi. That’s right, Morph sees • that absurd hat of yours.
-Because DPS will never be able to carry guns on campus, Jolly ‘Ole St. Morph thinks they • need an abundant supply of silly string. It’s just as effective.

Morpheus will be finishing his list soon. For now, here are the rest of his weekly notes:

To begin, Morpheus realizes he had too swell of a time in Flather Hall this past Halloween, and caused over $1000 worth of damage. Although Morpheus apologizes for the terrible behavior
he displayed in Flather Hall, nothing quite compares with one of the ladies in Millenium South, who apparently had an accident in the elevator on Halloween night. Yikes.

Morpehus was at the recent SGA meeting, and would like to address a very important issue that Ms. Kristina Pinault highlighted, namely, that CU’s campus embraces being “smoke free.” There are many issues with this proposal, the most important being, where would all the priests on campus go?

Speaking of SGA, which is a favorite topic of this writer, Morpheus must give credit where credit is due. Recently, it was brought to the attention of Morph that the hearing between SGA and the Department of Public Safety was cancelled abruptly due to unknown circumstances.
In all honesty, Morpheus believes the hearing would have been successful. Now, ‘ole Morph loves poking fun at the student government, but in this case, as stated before, credit where credit is due. Morpheus believes that DPS, in particular, Ms. Thamasine Johnson, is in the wrong for the cancellation, and owes the student body an explination. It has been stated many times that CU has an issue with transparency, and the Department of Public Safety not coming forward with answers for the student body plays right into that narrative.

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