Welcome to another week here at CU, friends. So much has happened over the past few weeks that Morpheus had to carefully choose this week’s notes. Between obnoxious fire drills, and watching that young man be escorted out of the Pryz by an army of DPS officers, Morpheus just has so much to say! Without further adieu, here are his notes:
Morpheus must say, the Dress to Express fashion show was wonderful and beautiful. Anyone who was present at the event should be grateful. Just so you know, Mr. Mulcahey, sitting on the opposite side of the food court barriers does not really constitute being present, but, credit where credit is due, at least you were in the vacinity. Where the President and Vice President were is as much a mystery as my identity. Another note on SGA, who apparently believes that only “experienced” journalists should interview them — Morpheus proposes an idea! Only “experienced” politicians should be on SGA. Morpheus is quite brilliant.
He may be wrong, but Morpheus believes that hav¬ing a dozen or so officers cornering and escorting a young man from the dining hall for having a to-go box seems slightly absurd. However, DPS is rather famous for theatrics. Morpheus has once seen a DPS officer chase a boy on a skateboard going down a hill blowing whistles and yelling “halt!”
Call him old fashioned, but Morpheus believes if one is going to don a leather jacket and slicked back hair while wearing aviators, they better have a real cigarette as opposed to cassette-sized vaporizers. The image of the hot greaser is forever shattered. Sitting outside after classes playing the role of the dissociated artist really only works if you have real cigarettes, boys.
Morpheus has received fan mail! Thank you, Mr. Thomas DiBenedetto, for your kind words. Morpheus has decided to share the mail:
“Dear Morpheus Q, Welcome back to CUA, sir! (Or madam) I’ve been reading your column and applaud you for your mastery of satire and scope of topics. It’s good to shake things up from time to time and you have a knack for time and you have a knack for it. Keep ‘em coming! Stay spooky, Tom DiBenedetto.”
Morpheus encourages anyone to write him. He loves mail, both good and bad. (firstname.lastname@example.org)